There has been considerable hullah (unnecessary noise) about the return of Rahul Gandhi. The media eager for some fodder managed to compare his return from a “sabbatical” to the completion of Van-Vaas by Lord Ram. The rank and file of the grand old party was also seen rejoicing across the country. They finally were able to put off the uncomfortable question being asked by many people behind them. This blog entry is mainly my attempt to strategize his plans and what he must not do to revive INC. I will first start by listing things he shouldn’t do.
1. Give another one on one Interview (Remember the Empower You Interview with Arnab Gowsami)
If he agrees for another Interview, then the rank and file of the BJP will have a field day at work. He also must stop rehearsing his lines and try to speak his mind rather than the lines written by those speech writers. But wait! What if he does that, then this will repeat:
2. Never Write a speech on his own:
Well well well!!! Let us not forget the Poverty is a State of Mind speech. I mean what a speech!! He actually managed to gain attention for his statements rather than his looks (Sorry Girls couldn’t help it!!). Or else, despicable things might happen:
3. Stop using the Management Quota:
I get that your mamma and papa are rich!! Stop using their money!! Start making your own money! Oh wait I meant earn money not”make it using paper”. Start taking responsibility and stop following mommy’s pallu. Fail to do this, you will actually watch the “Rise of Rahul Memes” like this:
4. Stop Comparing India with USA:
I liked your idea of primaries but let’s not forget you are in India not the US. Oh I am sorry, I forgot that you were hungover :P. Saab kya lenge Nimbu Sharbaat ya Doodh ki bottle? Start with fresh perspective or you are doomed along with your Chhota Bheem:
5. Start Taking Your Career Seriously:
Career no no! just kidding!! I was talking about the family business that you inherited :P. Start planning for the future. I don’t mean your retirement :P, I mean your role as Congress Destroyer!!
6. Live Alone:
I meant to tell you to stay away from mommy. This may help you become independent. Oh who I am I kidding!! That’s not possible!! Once a mommy’s boy, always a mommy’s boy :P
7. Stop that Dark Humor:
Thousands of people are being killed by “Rahul O Phillia”. It has become highly contagious and it is wiping out the population. The only available drug is to make Rahul Gandhi stop talking!! :P Please make note that the major cause of this disease are the comedy shows, in which he himself stars and calls them one on one interviews.
8. Stop Watching Chhota Bheem:
Chhota Bheem is not real!! Go wash your face, I will go get your Laddu :P
9. Learn to Shave:
No this is a serious advice. I think Harvard University is offering a course on this. There are only 2 management seats left so please talk to mommy fast and save one for yourself!!
Now I would like to tell you about what you should do to revive the grand old party of India. There is only one thing you need to do and I promise that you will come to power the very next day. And that is:
10. Marry Rakhi Sawant and have a baby with her:
I am serious, you will once again regain your rural base because of the marriage and your urban base will also be mobilized by your wife’s IQ and assets. The baby will ensure your majority in Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha was always your home turf!!!
Rahul baby I hope you follow everything I just told. Mommy asked me to tell these things to you. All the best with the Independence and Rakhi Sawant !!
1. Give another one on one Interview (Remember the Empower You Interview with Arnab Gowsami)
If he agrees for another Interview, then the rank and file of the BJP will have a field day at work. He also must stop rehearsing his lines and try to speak his mind rather than the lines written by those speech writers. But wait! What if he does that, then this will repeat:
2. Never Write a speech on his own:
Well well well!!! Let us not forget the Poverty is a State of Mind speech. I mean what a speech!! He actually managed to gain attention for his statements rather than his looks (Sorry Girls couldn’t help it!!). Or else, despicable things might happen:
3. Stop using the Management Quota:
I get that your mamma and papa are rich!! Stop using their money!! Start making your own money! Oh wait I meant earn money not”make it using paper”. Start taking responsibility and stop following mommy’s pallu. Fail to do this, you will actually watch the “Rise of Rahul Memes” like this:
4. Stop Comparing India with USA:
I liked your idea of primaries but let’s not forget you are in India not the US. Oh I am sorry, I forgot that you were hungover :P. Saab kya lenge Nimbu Sharbaat ya Doodh ki bottle? Start with fresh perspective or you are doomed along with your Chhota Bheem:
5. Start Taking Your Career Seriously:
Career no no! just kidding!! I was talking about the family business that you inherited :P. Start planning for the future. I don’t mean your retirement :P, I mean your role as Congress Destroyer!!
6. Live Alone:
I meant to tell you to stay away from mommy. This may help you become independent. Oh who I am I kidding!! That’s not possible!! Once a mommy’s boy, always a mommy’s boy :P
7. Stop that Dark Humor:
Thousands of people are being killed by “Rahul O Phillia”. It has become highly contagious and it is wiping out the population. The only available drug is to make Rahul Gandhi stop talking!! :P Please make note that the major cause of this disease are the comedy shows, in which he himself stars and calls them one on one interviews.
8. Stop Watching Chhota Bheem:
Chhota Bheem is not real!! Go wash your face, I will go get your Laddu :P
9. Learn to Shave:
No this is a serious advice. I think Harvard University is offering a course on this. There are only 2 management seats left so please talk to mommy fast and save one for yourself!!
Now I would like to tell you about what you should do to revive the grand old party of India. There is only one thing you need to do and I promise that you will come to power the very next day. And that is:
10. Marry Rakhi Sawant and have a baby with her:
I am serious, you will once again regain your rural base because of the marriage and your urban base will also be mobilized by your wife’s IQ and assets. The baby will ensure your majority in Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha was always your home turf!!!
Rahul baby I hope you follow everything I just told. Mommy asked me to tell these things to you. All the best with the Independence and Rakhi Sawant !!
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